Dating Advice - Is My Boyfriend Right?

Q: Is it right for my boyfriend to tell me that he used to be treated better by a certain bar tender in a club when he was dating his ex than now that he's with me?

A: Is your boyfriend right? It really depends on your version of right and wrong. Sure, it isn't very nice of him. He could have worded his concerns in a different, less hurtful way. But 'right'?


I'd like to come at your question from a different perspective, which is to focus instead on what your boyfriend is trying to tell you. Ignore his lack of tact for a minute, and try to put aside your angry and hurt feelings. Being told someone else treats your boyfriend better is never easy, and I'm not suggesting you shove aside what's going on with you emotionally. But just for a moment, let's try to forget about them for a little bit, to get to the heart of your boyfriend question.

When a boyfriend or girlfriend tells their partner that someone else treats them better, they've essentially given you a rubber dinghy with which to save your relationship. Not only are they telling you what they need from you, they are explaining what it is they want in order for your relationship to continue. And yes, your boyfriend question is that serious, and he is considering his options, even if the words haven't been spoken outright.

This isn't to say that your boyfriend's comment is reasonable. It may well not be, but you haven't given me enough details to determine either way. So from what little I do know, I can say this: if he's asking you to do something against your moral code or values, that would hurt someone or is illegal - don't. Otherwise? I'm going to quote a line in a recent newsletter from Vedic astrologer Carol Allen, who specializes in dating and relationships to explain:


"Give him what he wants, when he wants it - no more, no less."

So how does this apply to your boyfriend question? Simple. He's out and out telling you what he wants from you - to be treated like this gal at the bar used to. He's told you what he needs from you, and he's basically pleading with you to offer it up.

Will this be hard? Definitely. Should you do it? Its completely up to you, based on your needs and wants in a relationship. You may feel comparing you to a bartender who is paid because she caters to every customers' needs is unfair, and you may be resentful that he's put this woman on some sort of pedestal. All of that is perfectly understandable.